Mindfulness and Self Compassion

People often ask, what is mindfulness? Isn’t it just taking note of something or paying attention? How can I not be mindful if I am wide awake… after all, I am aware of my own thoughts! There is a cartoon strip which illustrates the concept of mindfulness perfectly. It has two images of the same man with a thought bubble coming from his head. Under the first picture was the caption “MIND FULL,” and the thought bubble had many different thoughts erratically jammed into every corner of his thought bubble-each overlapping the next. The second caption stated “MINDFUL,” and the man looked more relaxed with one peace sign right in the middle of his thought bubble. Wouldn’t it be great to be more mindful than to always feel that we have a full mind?

Most of us in our day to day lives can relate to the first thought bubble. Our minds are full. We have much to do and little time to do it, so we spend any amount of spare thought space cramming in more thinking and planning- to be ready for the next thing. Unfortunately, sometimes this can trigger a whole flurry of uncomfortable emotions and body sensations until we have created a negative loop- multiple thought bubbles leading to increasingly more intense thought bubbles and potentially painful emotional reactivity.

A mindfulness practice is one way to break the cycle of emotional reactivity. By improving our awareness in a very purposeful way for brief periods of time, we can learn how to respond effectively to triggers for stress and anxiety when they occur. Marsha Linehan, a clinical psychologist and creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) included Mindfulness as one of the skillsets in her four core modules The purpose being, that if we do not learn to be mindful, emotions will likely hook us in and we will act on those emotions, which may or may not get us what we want or where we want to be.

Known for breaking skill sets down into highly learnable parts, Linehan describes mindfulness as paying attention on purpose in the moment by learning to step back and observe. How we observe is also important- using a non-judgmental stance and a one minded approach meaning we are not texting, fidgeting, or doing our taxes while attempting to be mindful. Linehan’s DBT Mindfulness practice also encourages using all five senses as we learn to observe and describe what we hear, see, feel, touch and taste with a beginner’s mind (as if it is for the first time in our lives) with an open acceptance for what is.

Individuals who struggle with severe depression, anxiety, addiction and eating disorders experience emotional suffering (or stuffing) that is either caused or exacerbated by a lack of compassion for self. We are often taught the measure of our worth is in our accomplishments. Personal success in our society is measured in the form of material possessions, school or career achievements or even having the perfect physical appearance. Kristen Neff, PhD www.selfcompassion.org researches the benefits of self-compassion and reports that while high self-esteem is valued in our culture, the drive for it can cause us to compare ourselves to others or expect perfection rather than to accept our challenges and our true strengths. It is true that when individuals learn to practice self-compassion and recognize their own judgmental thoughts, they can truly engage in the change process. Luckily, our human brains have great plasticity, so an old brain can learn new tricks and self-compassion is one more important tool that can be learned through the therapeutic process.

How Can Therapy Help?

Some people may be hesitant to make an appointment with a therapist or may become concerned that seeing a therapist means they are weak or flawed. But therapy is about healing and growth through understanding and compassion. For more information, or to find out about appointment cost and availability, email Melissa Wheelock, LMFT today.